Month: February 2017

Written on February 19th, 9 days after 5th chemo treatment……

A lot of times we go through life and we don’t just enjoy the simple things. Having this cancer diagnosis has really made me come to appreciate all the little things in life. I call them Whoppers.  You may be asking, “Why Whoppers?” I call the simple things Whoppers because I had my 5th chemo treatment about nine days ago and all I could think about was a Burger King Whopper. See, after you have chemo, there is a period of time that your taste buds go on strike! They do not cooperate and can be down right mean to your mouth.  So at times you have these cravings and overwhelming thoughts of various types of food. Sometimes, it’s food you’ve never had or even liked! Well, I am a Chick-fil-a and McDonald’s kind of girl so thinking about a Whopper was a tad bit strange to say the least. I even went online and looked at the Whopper to see what the ingredients were; broiled beef patty, lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun…. I was determined to eat one as soon as my taste buds allowed and it did not disappoint!

In life we all have simple things like Whoppers we take for granted. We miss out on small enjoyments seeking the grand ones. Both are wonderful and pleasing, however, those that are the simplest are so because they bring so much more like memories and recollections. The Whoppers, simple things in life, are often easier to attain and harder to forget.  That Whopper meant so much more to me than sustenance, it slowed me down, made me reflect, and gave me hope that if I begin appreciating the Whoppers in my life, my happiness would be determined with each moment not each successful treatment.

My CANcer Wisdom to you:  Find your Whoppers and enjoy them for tomorrow is not promised! Relish in the fact that there are simple things that will bring you more joy then you will ever know.  Unwrap that Whopper and enjoy!

The third day after treatment is a bear! Fatigue sets in, bone pain, and those taste buds begin their decline. This is always the day I question whether I will get through this. It’s only a moment though, because my faith carries me through! I never really question God, just have questions. I sit still and wait on him and he simply allows me to breathe, feel and even question. That’s my answer. As long as I’m able, I continue to be.

There are times I feel like a Superhero. Taking care of my family, working, volunteering, telling others about my journey.  Then there are times where I feel completely vulnerable, silent in my fight, in denial, and even weak.  Being a Superhero takes a lot of responsibility and strength…. why me? I don’t have a cape or a halo! I’m not a Superhero, a divine being. I’m just me… a wife, mom, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, colleague. But you know, everyone has their inner Superhero. Whatever makes you fight, think positive, whatever motivates you to be and do your best. Everything in you that makes you face challenges and overcome obstacles…all encompasses your cape and halo. It’s your purpose, your why, your reason!

Fighting breast cancer is like riding a roller coaster that has immeasurable dips and valleys, turns and hills that sometimes catches you off guard and sometimes stares you right in the face! Me, I choose to ride my coaster with my eyes wide open! I want to see where I’m going, no surprises. Some of the hills make me scream and others make me cry. I ride with my husband and son, family and friends and keep my GOD very close for the dips and valleys. Some say, “You’re so strong, courageous…” My response, “I don’t have a cape or a halo!” I’m not strong or courageous. I have a purpose. God has a purpose for my life and if it’s through this platform called breast CANcer, then so be it. I don’t like to look at myself as being extraordinary due to a circumstance. There are many people that have circumstances and that would make me seem that my circumstance is more than another. Extraordinary people are made out of how they live through their purpose.
My CANcer Wisdom to you: Ask God what your purpose is and live in that. Don’t rely on that cape or halo others bestow on you. You are as strong and as courageous as needed to face any circumstance you have. You were chosen so use the platform wisely.

January 19, 2017 10:12am

As 2016 came to a close, I felt compelled to blog, but didn’t really feel like it as I brought in the New Year 2 days after chemo treatment. As I recovered, I had many thoughts of what to do next, what to write, how to reflect, New Year Resolutions, Goals, Vision Boards, etc. But I just couldn’t muster up the stamina to do it. I even participated in a webinar about creating goals that are measurable and can actually be accomplished within reason and not just ceremonially.  I looked back at 2016 with a questionable eye as the last two months was devastating with this diagnosis, a tremendous amount of unexpected new debt and a new way of living. Well, I don’t live in regret or in the past so I had to ask myself “What now?”.

As I reflect on 2016, I remember beginning the year with my husband and son, crab legs and shrimp, football and the apple and peach drop (Born in New York, live in Georgia!)  I remember 2016 as a year of risks, career and personal growth and ambition. I committed myself to my community, extended my time to helping others and became a better wife and mother.  When CANcer came into our lives, I gave myself a death sentence. The doctors didn’t tell me this, my mind did! I stopped living for a day… what now?

A few days after my diagnosis, as a family, we made a decision.  Think positive, relax and rest, rely on family and friends to help. When I finally let go and let GOD and did that, I felt so much better. Prayers and warm wishes kept me hopeful and I felt alive again.  So, the question “…what now?” as I entered 2017, was more about how to keep my life and our life going and not so much what do I do because I have CANcer.

I continue to teach my little cherubs and take time when I need. I schedule community service around treatment and vulnerability. I love on my husband and son as much as possible and ensure my son continues to do what he enjoys. It’s been working great!

Fast forward to today, February 10, 2017!!!! Yes, it still took me a minute to post, but it’s my blog and it’s ok… TeeHee😉I want this to be an encouraging, inspirational, positive exchange but I have to be honest as well. Sometimes the side effects, fatigue, taste buds that don’t taste, peripheral neuropathy, and catching a simple cold that sends you to urgent care for another upfront bill ($110) just doesn’t make you feel “pink”! However, I’m the type to soldier on and find the good in it all. I learned I really have to be mindful of my environment, what I touch, hands I shake, what and when to sanitize and how often! I also learned that if my Doctor happens to open at 11:00am on that particular day, a couple of hours for a simple copay will be just fine!!!

So a few nuggets…. I was watching the National College Football Championship game and ESPN always does a great job of highlighting the stories behind the athletes. Well, Dashaun Watson, winning quarterback for Clemson University, has a mom who had tongue CANcer and has been CANcer free for one year. She is a single mom who did everything she could to make sure her son got to college and stayed focused to fulfill HIS dream. He talked about his mom’s strength and how she always encouraged him to be strong and make her proud. “Her strength in all that she was going through made me stronger!” As I make my reflections, I keep them in mind. When I complain about my taste buds, I keep Dashaun’s mom on my heart as that dear woman has tongue CANcer and
had part of her tongue removed! I can’t complain!

My CANcer Wisdom to you: Remember to stay positive. There is someone out there who is going through far worse, believe it or not. Also don’t think of your treatments as adding years to your life, you go ahead and add LIFE to your years. Have fun, live, laugh, do something adventurous, different, exciting and new!
Be Blessed!