Happy Father’s Day! On the Father’s Day, I want to take the time to acknowledge and appreciate all fathers, but especially those fathers who have cared for or continue to care for the women in their lives with breast CANcer. It is no easy task and a task that is uncertain. You are our Superhero and our Rock. Thank you for caring for us and our children.
According to the American Cancer Society, there are about 252,710 new women who are diagnosed with invasive breast cancer (cancer has spread to lymph nodes and/or other organs) and about 63,410 women with no-invasive breast cancer, the earlier stages. cancer.org. I cannot find hard statistics on the number of women that have children, but I can guarantee, it is a lot! That means there are fathers out there that are having to play a new role. My husband had to go above and beyond to continue to keep things as normal as possible for our son. Some might say, “…women do that all the time, work, take care of the children, clean, etc.” That is true, however, this is different. When a mother has CANcer, sometimes nurturing your child(ren) is hard to do. About two days after my chemotherapy treatments, I could barely move, let alone hug my son tight, get on my knees and pray with him as we did every night, and play with him like he was used to. I couldn’t steal kisses, nurse him when he was sick, and go to all of his basketball games and practices as I was used to doing. My husband had to do all of that…and he had to take care of me.
Being a husband/father of a breast CANcer patient can be stressful and overwhelming. My husband never mentioned it, but I could tell in the effort he put into keeping things normal, keeping me happy, and maintaining his sanity as provider of our household. I am not high maintenance, but I know I must have driven him crazy asking about my wigs being on straight, my scarves matching my outfits and if my head looked too big! not to mention my hot and cold flashes at night, tossing and turning, and craving foods that he would get for me only not to be able to eat them. He is most patient and a son of God and I know he prayed for ALL of us to get through this.
As a caregiver, you don’t think of yourself and what you need. You work tirelessly to be supportive and remain vigilant in keeping the atmosphere positive and sanitized! My husband protected me from every germ known to man and then some. Germx and Lysol became apart of our décor! But if it weren’t for him, I don’t know what would have been the outcome. The battle we fought as a family was less painful and easier because he was able to be a father, husband and a coach and allowed me to receive treatment and recover without worry and without fear.
Telling my dad about my diagnosis was one of the hardest things to do. It was about two weeks after I told my family before I spoke to my dad about it again. I could tell it was hard for him, to see his daughter going through such a difficult time. He would call and ask how I was doing and ended every call with “…hang in there baby…” Each time he saw me, I had changed. I lost my hair, my weight, and my “glow”. I tried to convince him that I was going to be ok and that what he sees are side effects to the medications that were actually working. The actual CANcer was not doing this. His phone calls and our visits made me feel like “baby girl” again. When my hair started to grow back, I could see this smile like that was his visual reminder that I was getting better. At church, he looked at me today and said, “You look like a Burrus, you look like me!” As if I didn’t look like him before! He hugged me twice and we took a selfie. I felt like that little girl again, who held his hand trying to keep up as we walked. Fathers continue to be so important to sons and daughters, young and old.
My CANcer Wisdom to You: On this Father’s Day, please remember all of the fathers who are our Superheroes. Those who take care of us and our families and love us through sickness and health. Happy Father’s Day!
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