Month: May 2018

 

 

For me, summer is here!!!  I’ve cleaned my classroom, packed my boxes, completed my IEPs and have left the building!!!  Time to relax, relate and release.  This is my first summer, post cancer diagnosis, that I can officially travel, swim, and enjoy the outdoors!  I am relishing every moment with my family and loving this life I was given.

As we trudge through our everyday lives, we miss so many opportunities to acknowledge what’s around us that consciously or subconsciously makes an impact on our lives. After my diagnosis of breast cancer, through my treatments and now my remission, I have learned to pay attention, be aware and acknowledge all that is around me. Songs, scriptures, people, events and anything that is in my presence has a purpose. Some more profound than others, but nonetheless, a purpose.

I decided to start a weekly summer series of writings that reflect on what I’ve heard, seen and/or impactful messages that just touched my heart. They will be short and sweet, but meaningful. Hopefully, they will touch the hearts of others and lead you to an appreciation of life: the memories, minutes, and moments, before you have no choice.

Many of us will be spending time with family and friends today. Please take some time to remember those who are not able to enjoy these times.  On this Memorial Day, I’d like to pay tribute to all of those men and women who continuously protect our freedoms and put their lives on the line to keep us safe. I appreciate you and pray for your well being as you bravely defend our rights in this country and abroad!

Take time to enjoy the Memories, Minutes and Moments of your life!

Today, after almost two years of worrying about everything but my hair, I made my way to the salon! My hair stylist, of twenty-nine years, yes, twenty-nine years, Melva Johnson of Make Me Over Hair Lounge, in Decatur, Georgia, happily obliged my request for her to “..fix it!” I’ve always heard that a woman’s hair is her crown and glory. Hair that is long is supposed to be of strength, gray hair of wisdom, and short hair is freeing and of a risk taker. Well, my hair was growing, growing in a very weird way; not long, not short, just growing. I had done cornrows, traditional braids, activator, gel, you name it. Not that I’m vain, or care more about my hair then my health, but I needed to look professional, neat, and like I cared about myself again.

As I began my CANcer journey, I was told about the side effects of chemotherapy treatment, guaranteed hair loss of the scalp and body. I lost everything! I’ve always had hair, on my arms, my legs, my head, so starting completely over, with this “new” hair, was quite the adjustment.

While on this journey, I began to miss going to the salon. Catching up with my friend and sharing the weeks reality show news, talking about school and kids and football. I realized that I wasn’t just missing getting my hair done, I was missing the fellowship of the women there. Today, I was able to recapture the fellowship and enjoy time catching up with my friend, and just getting pampered for two hours. I went through some changes, maybe even a transformation of my physical and mental.

When it was all said and done, I looked in the mirror and was afraid but glad I went through with the change. I now looked like me, just new…my crown fixed! Coming home, every chance I got, I looked in the mirror as if to see if I was still there. This was the first change to what was growing new like grass emerging from dormancy of winter. I played with it, styled it several times and settled on my new look. It’s time to fix my crown as it was slipping a little. My crown being my attitude about my hair, my new normal, my being. I’m here, I’m able, and I’m blessed.

My CANcer Wisdom to You: Your crown does not have to be on your head. You wear your crown in your heart and mind. Fix your crown!

To all of our Mother Warriors, Survivors, Fighters, Caretakers, Prayer Partners, Nurturers, and all of those who support ALL Cancer Patients as if they were your own, I pray you have a Blessed Mother’s Day 💗💜💙💛🧡

 

This post is dedicated to my “Breast” Sisters in the World:  Beloved Cousin Mika, my Dearest Friend Lisa, and my Angel in Heaven Kelly.

It’s been a year since I received the best news of my life. I was cancer free, or as my “breast” sisters informed me, “…never say free, you are in remission!” At first, I was like, “Excuse me, why can’t I be free?!?!?” As they proceeded to educate me…individually…one at a time…each day of my surgery recovery…and periodically ever since in conversation, I began to understand. Cancer survivors, no matter how good we feel, how energetic we are or even receiving the prognosis as cancer free, we never truly are free. Now you can take that as a blessing or a curse. Me, oh it’s a blessing alright! Within that blessing, I’ve found passion, people, and purpose.

When the actual one-year anniversary came of that glorious night, April 4, 2018, 7:00pm, I didn’t know how to feel. I wasn’t even emotional. Grateful, but confused about how I “didn’t” feel. For some reason, my mind shifted to all those patients that continue to struggle in their journeys, those who went through chemo treatments with me and are no longer here, my best friend who lost her battle in July of 2008…I just didn’t know how to feel. I wanted to shout it to the world, celebrate, go out to dinner, something. But on that day in the car, I looked at my husband and simply stated, “You know, it’s been a year in remission for me.” Just like that, I looked out the window, not looking for a response, and thought for a couple of moments, why…Why do I not feel excited?  Why am I so blah today?  Why do I just want to go home and go to bed?  Why did I make it and others didn’t?  I stopped right there!  Why am I questioning the gift of grace, mercy, survivorship?  I told myself, “Get your mind right, Hun!  God is going to use you!”

So after a year in remission, a few realities settled into my life.  I continue with doctor visits…MANY doctor visits:  oncologist, surgeon, radiologist, gynecologist, gastroenterologist…all the “…ologist” you can imagine!!!  I continue to get my blood drawn from my now pitiful veins (…as I can only use my right arm due to lymphedema in my left.)  I continue with x-rays, MRIs, PET scans, EKGs, mammograms, biopsies, you name it, they have a test for me!!!  I continue to take medicine, Letrozal every day for five years. I continue to suffer from fatigue, chemo brain, and peripheral neuropathy AND I have to continue to find ways to adapt to and style my new and improved (I guess) head of hairs.  Yes, hairs; some of them are lonely and some are grouped together, having a great time on my face and not my head!  So when my “breast” sisters said, “You are never cancer free, I get it.  Cancer remission comes with a price, but I’m glad to pay it if it keeps me alive$$$

Telling others about my journey, and using written expression to communicate my thoughts and feelings, and being able to educate others has been very therapeutic.  I enjoy connecting with people, encouraging and inspiring others, and providing education that may not otherwise be obtained.  I learned there are so many others like me or who know someone like me, that is traveling down this long road.  We are in the fight of our lives!  Fighters, Survivors, Warriors…

Having a progressive mindset is a challenge.  When you’re faced with any adversity and have come through to the other side, it’s somewhat challenging to move forward as if nothing has happened.  Moving forward is necessary in treatment and in progress.  I know this, you have to do better and be consistent in it.

For cancer patients, there are many challenges.  Among the biggest for me is eating and getting appropriate rest.  After various treatments and medications, certain foods make me gain weight quicker than before, some foods taste different, give me headaches, cause pimples, make me nauseous, and some foods now are just taste plain ‘ol nasty! All in the name of survival.   My body has changed in many ways, my taste buds go on hiatus at times and every once in a while, I feel like I’ll never be the same.  Well, I can finally accept the fact that I won’t!  But, it’s all in how I think about it, how I approach it, and how I decide to handle it.  Growth mindset, positive mindset, progressive mindset will all help me and you, accept the new normal!

As I embark on another year of living, I am constantly reminded of how much your mind has control over how you act, how you react, how you feel, and how you think.  Proverbs 23:7, “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.”  If you think negative, you’ll live negative.  If you think you can’t you won’t.  If you think you aren’t, then you’re not.  On the other hand, if you think positive, you’ll live positive.  If you think you can, you will.  If you think you are, then you are.  If you think you will, you will!  As I’ve been on my journey, I’ve been introduced to great books and concepts that have helped me in my new normal.  One author that remains impactful is Carol Dweck, the author of “Growth Mindset”.  She speaks about using the “Power of Yet” with children.  She says it is important to use language that demonstrates opportunity and possibility.  There will be a time when you will, just “not yet…”.  This can apply to adults just the same.  When I think of my cancer journey, I can think of several “powers of yet”.  I have and will overcome many obstacles and accomplish many things in the remainder of my days.  I have purposes that will be fulfilled, maybe not yet, but will eventually.

So in my new normal life and year in successful remission, I know it is my purpose to educate our community.  I joined a wonderful organization in partnership with Northside Hospital, who has given so much to me during my journey, called The Network of Hope.  This non-profit organization is made up of breast cancer survivors that give back to the community through mentorship, education, and volunteerism at various events around the state.  It is the most unique situation as I benefited from this organizations philanthropic efforts and now I have a chance to pay it forward.  One of my divine purposes, I believe, is to bring hope to those who feel hopeless, be a light in the wake of darkness, just let my journey be an inspiration to others.  I look forward to many years to come

My CANcer Wisdom:  Your mind is the gas and break pedal in your journey, whatever it may be.  Move forward in your new normal with both feet on the gas!  Only lift up from time to time to rest, reflect, or rejuvenate!  Think positive, Move forward!