Month: July 2018
School Me!
STAYCATIONING and VACATIONING!!! That is what I have been doing for the last 45 weekdays, 10 weekends and 2 months and some days. Just to clarify, I did attend some professional learning classes, for those that still believe teachers have summers “off”! It’s been a very reflective summer and a very emotional summer in a good way. I was able to spend an enormous amount of time with my husband and son, visit family, travel and network with other warriors in this CANcer struggle. With this summer behind me, I have realized a couple of things: I am not alone, I needed the rest, I am ready to move forward, and I ate quite a bit!!!
Today was the 1st day of year 24 in education. I have had an incredible journey in education and look forward to coming down from the top of this waterslide…6 more twists and turns to go, until I splash into the wave pool of retirement! As you can tell summer is still on my mind!
Today, our school and cluster schools had a wonderful opportunity to kick off he school year with a pep-rally. We do this every year, and it really energizes us. During football season, there is a pep-rally every Friday to energize the team, hoping to get them to win and enter the play-offs and ultimately win a championship. Well for us, we want our students to win so it is us who need to be energized.
Each year, our school system has a motivational speaker to come and share a message with us. We’ve had former students, retired educators, military and a pastor. This year, we had the pleasure of receiving a message from Aimee Copeland, a young woman from Georgia who lost her hands, a leg, and a foot in a freak accident in a river. She encountered flesh-eating bacteria that took over her body when simply using a “homemade” zipline that snapped. She fell into a river and the rest is history. She attended our cluster schools as a young person and remains an inspiration to our students. Not only did she energize us, but she made us all think, really think about our own challenges in and outside of the classroom.
As I listened to Aimee Copeland speak, I thought of my own challenges with breast CANcer and Lynch Syndrome. I thought about all the barriers and obstacles that I faced with the diagnosis and that I continue to face through my remission. She said something that was so profound, so meaningful, so powerful, I changed my entire “blog” thought. Aimee “Schooled Me”!
Suffering is relative. If you are alive, there are going to be those who suffer more than you. You may think you are at your lowest, but if you live, there are lower places where you can be. “…in the bed next to me was a woman who could only move her face. She wanted her limbs to be cut off, so she could have prosthesis and be able to move like me. She wished she was me. I realized then, I had to work through my circumstances and have the will to move. I will walk I tell myself and I will. It may take a long time, but I will, and in my way!”
~Aimee Copeland
Aimee Copeland “Schooled Me”! I thought about myself and my CANcer network. Over the summer, 5 women loss their battle. It’s awfully tough, but the warriors that are left, must go on. There is guilt that comes with that, but then you think about the difference you can make for those who are still here. Aimee is such an example of strength and will, I have no choice but to live in my truth and stay positive. She said, “We can’t control what happens to us, we can only control how we respond”. I’ve heard that many times before, but in this context and today, she is so right.
This year back to school is very special. This is the first year since my diagnosis in October of 2016 that I enter the school year without any pending surgeries, no monthly doctor appointments, no treatments, no special diets, no tingly feet (…well just a little tingly…) and no fatigue (…other than getting used to being up at the crack…)! I am so excited about regaining my focus on my family and building relationships with my students. Now don’t get me wrong, I continue to focus on my health, that will never change, but I get to take a closer step to “normal” …whatever that is!
At times, being a warrior, survivor, pink sister, all those titles, is difficult. People assume because you act, talk, and move in a positive light, you’re good. For the most part, I am, however, I still struggle with guilt. Guilt for what my family has endured, guilt of survival, guilt of the financial strain of treatments, etc. CANcer guilt is a real thing. It doesn’t last long, however, it is a real feeling. I’ve been better lately and back to Aimee, she really made it ok to have ALL the feelings I have, but I should never stay in that place and accept blame, fault or guilt for my condition. I’m able to move, I’m able to teach, so I’m able to make a difference in a child’s life. If I’m going into the classroom, I owe it to them to be present and be available.
Aimee Copeland is such an inspiration and such a testimony to true grit. She told us we shouldn’t be afraid to fail because we can use that as a stepping stone to success. Even in disease or illness, we can take that advice. You may not have a choice in your circumstance, but you can control how you handle it and what you do to keep positivity in your life.
As I begin pre-planning for another school year, Aimee’s words stay with me. I can apply them to me and I can apply them to my students. I will share her story of perseverance and model for them what it takes to use your will to make things happen.
My CANcer Wisdom to You: You cannot control what happens, but you can control how you respond to it.
Almost Up in Heaven
Have you ever flown in an airplane and dared to look out of the window? Do you look up or do you look down? Looking down brings fear…at least to me it does! If only for a minute, I think about how high we are, how there is no net, everything looks small and meaningless. Of course, that’s the time I pray! 🙏🏽
Then I quickly look up. I see us rising above the clouds, the blue skies, bright sun, the bumpy clouds that bring turbulence but we rise above it, Almost Up in Heaven!
Beautiful it is, peaceful, brings about a different feeling. A feeling of joy, contentment…wonder. The majestic sky and ocean seemingly meeting in one place, no division, no separation, just blue. God is somewhere there watching, waiting, His plan coming together like the skies and the ocean.
My son asks, “Is that Heaven over there?” To him I reply, “Not quite but we’re close enough!” Heaven is a special place that God doesn’t want us to see just yet.”😊 “But you know the feeling you have when you go someplace you love, when we spend time with family, eat a most delicious meal…that’s Heaven. Heaven is with you every day in your heart.”
My CANcer Wisdom to You: No matter your struggles, rise above the clouds, God is watching, getting you through the turbulence. Keep your head up, don’t look down, and keep Heaven in your heart💗❤️💜🧡💛💚💙
My Summer of Strength
On your mark, get set, GO….my routine season of doctor visits. Last Friday, the radiologist, next week the surgeon and gynecologist, and a week after that, the oncologist! I really appreciate these professionals and I am so thankful for my wonderful team, but these visits bring about memories, poking and prodding, machines, x-rays and forms, money and money! Don’t get me wrong, I have great insurance, but the gas, parking, medicines, medical bracelet, sleeves for my lymphedema, medical mani/pedis, special bras, no hair, hair appointments, healthier habits, organic, natural, wholistic remedies, you name it, I’ve spent it!
So Friday, was my one year follow up to radiation appointment. I have the pleasure of seeing this doctor only annually. The receptionist and nurse remembered me. It’s amazing how you impact others without knowing it. My positive attitude and smile despite my storm was memorable.
I’ve been told that I have an “interesting “way of looking at life. “I don’t know how you stay so calm…”, “You have the patience of Job…”, “You’re a better one than me…”, just a few phrases that have marked others’ understanding of me. The only way for me to explain it, is that I’ve been given what I can handle and I need to go and handle it!
Last summer this time I was receiving radiation treatments everyday during the summer and finishing my CANcer infusions. I was fatigued, in pain, weak and not enjoying my summer at all. I was being tested by this diagnosis; I couldn’t travel or even enjoy my pool or the outdoors! My body was on standby and my taste buds were periodically on leave. Instead of thinking about the upcoming school year (…teachers are always thinking about school and students and learning and teaching…📚📚📚), I was debating a major surgery that in the long run, could save my life. What a bummer summer! But, I was alive!
This summer, I am strong, can visit my pool and enjoy ALL of the outdoors! I can eat any and everything and I unapologetically do! This is my summer of strength, my mind, my body and my soul. I feel as though I’m in the next chapter of healing which is rebuilding and re-establishing my health. As a CANcer patient, I have realized I never want to have things back the way they were, I want things to be better. I want to have healthier habits, spend more time with family and friends and live every moment with purpose.
This summer I feel empowered and ready to take on any challenges that are forthcoming. I know what I’ve been through and I now know where I’m going! I look forward to these appointments as I claim the goodness!
This summer is my Summer of Strength…
My CANcer Wisdom to You: Every season has a reason. Your summer is for movement after the rebirth of spring. Use this time to strengthen your mind. Be positive, smile, and live!
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