Author: Michele E. Jones

Have you ever really thought about the definition of father…dad? Webster’s Dictionary says, “…a : one (man) related to another in a way suggesting that of father to child…” But is that how we look at our fathers, our men? So formalized…so impersonal, if you know and love a father dad like I do!

I believe a father dad is a man with integrity, intelligence and a love for raising and training up a child (or an adult in need of fathering😊).  I’ve watched my dad and uncles, family friends, father their own and others…the village! I continue to watch them, my husband and father in love do the same. They coach, nurture, teach, and lead children and young people to reach their full potential. They want the best for their children and their children’s friends. They mentor young adults and any who will listen as if those individuals were their  own. THE VILLAGE! So I found a better definition of father, one that sums up my experiences and expresses my thoughts about a true father dad! According to Dictionary.com a father is, “…a man who exercises paternal care over other persons, paternal protector or provider…”. I like this definition because I think dads can father to many including their wives!

Oh oh!!!😳 I know you’re wondering where in the h😁😁😁 are you going with this. Well, as a wife and mother who is on her remission, cancer journey, I’ve had to have my husband continue his role as Dad to our son but also assume the new caretaker role as father to me. Protecting and providing for our son and me. If I were young again (…as my body clearly wishes I were…side note!), I would be in my parents’ home and my father would be my protector and provider.  As I’m married, my husband now fills that role when I am unable to care for myself. He became my father figuratively.  Sometimes we have to have fathers in our lives biologically, as a part of our village, and figuratively to explain the role of caretaker of a spouse or even of an aging parent. Fathers are very important and have the ability to speak greatness into our lives. So ALL of that being said, I’m grateful for the fathers in our village, the father of our son, and the father that spoke greatness into me💗

My CANcer Wisdom to You:  Love thy Father!

Going through the cancer journey puts things in perspective. You slow down, enjoy every minute, and reflect on your life that has been lived and how you want the rest of your life. I’ve experienced the burdens of death and the joys of birth within these past few weeks. I’ve been able to spend time with extended family for various occasions and enjoy the outdoors, no internet, no television, no radio, no soda! 😊 

This past weekend, I retreated with my family to Shorterville, Alabama, the birthplace of my husband’s mom and permanent home of his grandparents and family. While there, we were disconnected from news, social media, and outside world distractions. It was just God, Us, and the Earth! There were some moments when I stepped outside my body and watched those around me as if I wasn’t there. I wondered how things would be for my family without me. I had to quickly reset and be present….those thoughts are not beneficial to healing. The cancer journey will do that, put your mind in predicaments and battles that can harm or help your spirit. The moment my mind goes to harm, I consciously move to help. I’m thankful and verbalize to myself how grateful I am to be in this moment and create memories with my family. 

In the memories, the minutes and the moments, recognize where you are in your journey and find a place to create memories, take a minute to reflect on the positive and remember to be grateful for the moment…

Yesterday, I was ending my endless pit of clothes to wash, fold, and put away. Dumping the dried clothes on the couch, and ready to settle in and watch television I realized, I couldn’t find the remote! I had to go old school and walk up to the actual television and turn it on! In these digital times though, I couldn’t change the channel, I needed THAT remote. For some reason, the television was on channel 30, a public station with religious programming. Now I am a devout Christian and I am a spiritual being, but I was really trying to “take a little time to enjoy the View”! I searched and searched, drove myself crazy and then I stopped in the Moment… I listened… I sat and I watched. This minister, Dr. Michael Usef, spoke about “…trusting his timing…” that things may take longer than you think, but if you have faith and “trust his timing”, you will reap the benefits of his favor. So today in this moment, I take time to reflect on my healing and my health and know in HIS timing, in this remission of breast cancer, I will BE and FEEL healed!

Needless to say, once it was all said and done…and I received that message that was intended for me…I found the remote!

In the Memories, Minutes, and Moments, believe that you, or your loved one, will not let cancer stop your faith!

For me, summer is here!!!  I’ve cleaned my classroom, packed my boxes, completed my IEPs and have left the building!!!  Time to relax, relate and release.  This is my first summer, post cancer diagnosis, that I can officially travel, swim, and enjoy the outdoors!  I am relishing every moment with my family and loving this life I was given.

As we trudge through our everyday lives, we miss so many opportunities to acknowledge what’s around us that consciously or subconsciously makes an impact on our lives. After my diagnosis of breast cancer, through my treatments and now my remission, I have learned to pay attention, be aware and acknowledge all that is around me. Songs, scriptures, people, events and anything that is in my presence has a purpose. Some more profound than others, but nonetheless, a purpose.

I decided to start a weekly summer series of writings that reflect on what I’ve heard, seen and/or impactful messages that just touched my heart. They will be short and sweet, but meaningful. Hopefully, they will touch the hearts of others and lead you to an appreciation of life: the memories, minutes, and moments, before you have no choice.

Many of us will be spending time with family and friends today. Please take some time to remember those who are not able to enjoy these times.  On this Memorial Day, I’d like to pay tribute to all of those men and women who continuously protect our freedoms and put their lives on the line to keep us safe. I appreciate you and pray for your well being as you bravely defend our rights in this country and abroad!

Take time to enjoy the Memories, Minutes and Moments of your life!

Today, after almost two years of worrying about everything but my hair, I made my way to the salon! My hair stylist, of twenty-nine years, yes, twenty-nine years, Melva Johnson of Make Me Over Hair Lounge, in Decatur, Georgia, happily obliged my request for her to “..fix it!” I’ve always heard that a woman’s hair is her crown and glory. Hair that is long is supposed to be of strength, gray hair of wisdom, and short hair is freeing and of a risk taker. Well, my hair was growing, growing in a very weird way; not long, not short, just growing. I had done cornrows, traditional braids, activator, gel, you name it. Not that I’m vain, or care more about my hair then my health, but I needed to look professional, neat, and like I cared about myself again.

As I began my CANcer journey, I was told about the side effects of chemotherapy treatment, guaranteed hair loss of the scalp and body. I lost everything! I’ve always had hair, on my arms, my legs, my head, so starting completely over, with this “new” hair, was quite the adjustment.

While on this journey, I began to miss going to the salon. Catching up with my friend and sharing the weeks reality show news, talking about school and kids and football. I realized that I wasn’t just missing getting my hair done, I was missing the fellowship of the women there. Today, I was able to recapture the fellowship and enjoy time catching up with my friend, and just getting pampered for two hours. I went through some changes, maybe even a transformation of my physical and mental.

When it was all said and done, I looked in the mirror and was afraid but glad I went through with the change. I now looked like me, just new…my crown fixed! Coming home, every chance I got, I looked in the mirror as if to see if I was still there. This was the first change to what was growing new like grass emerging from dormancy of winter. I played with it, styled it several times and settled on my new look. It’s time to fix my crown as it was slipping a little. My crown being my attitude about my hair, my new normal, my being. I’m here, I’m able, and I’m blessed.

My CANcer Wisdom to You: Your crown does not have to be on your head. You wear your crown in your heart and mind. Fix your crown!

To all of our Mother Warriors, Survivors, Fighters, Caretakers, Prayer Partners, Nurturers, and all of those who support ALL Cancer Patients as if they were your own, I pray you have a Blessed Mother’s Day 💗💜💙💛🧡

This post is dedicated to my “Breast” Sisters in the World:  Beloved Cousin Mika, my Dearest Friend Lisa, and my Angel in Heaven Kelly.

It’s been a year since I received the best news of my life. I was cancer free, or as my “breast” sisters informed me, “…never say free, you are in remission!” At first, I was like, “Excuse me, why can’t I be free?!?!?” As they proceeded to educate me…individually…one at a time…each day of my surgery recovery…and periodically ever since in conversation, I began to understand. Cancer survivors, no matter how good we feel, how energetic we are or even receiving the prognosis as cancer free, we never truly are free. Now you can take that as a blessing or a curse. Me, oh it’s a blessing alright! Within that blessing, I’ve found passion, people, and purpose.

When the actual one-year anniversary came of that glorious night, April 4, 2018, 7:00pm, I didn’t know how to feel. I wasn’t even emotional. Grateful, but confused about how I “didn’t” feel. For some reason, my mind shifted to all those patients that continue to struggle in their journeys, those who went through chemo treatments with me and are no longer here, my best friend who lost her battle in July of 2008…I just didn’t know how to feel. I wanted to shout it to the world, celebrate, go out to dinner, something. But on that day in the car, I looked at my husband and simply stated, “You know, it’s been a year in remission for me.” Just like that, I looked out the window, not looking for a response, and thought for a couple of moments, why…Why do I not feel excited?  Why am I so blah today?  Why do I just want to go home and go to bed?  Why did I make it and others didn’t?  I stopped right there!  Why am I questioning the gift of grace, mercy, survivorship?  I told myself, “Get your mind right, Hun!  God is going to use you!”

So after a year in remission, a few realities settled into my life.  I continue with doctor visits…MANY doctor visits:  oncologist, surgeon, radiologist, gynecologist, gastroenterologist…all the “…ologist” you can imagine!!!  I continue to get my blood drawn from my now pitiful veins (…as I can only use my right arm due to lymphedema in my left.)  I continue with x-rays, MRIs, PET scans, EKGs, mammograms, biopsies, you name it, they have a test for me!!!  I continue to take medicine, Letrozal every day for five years. I continue to suffer from fatigue, chemo brain, and peripheral neuropathy AND I have to continue to find ways to adapt to and style my new and improved (I guess) head of hairs.  Yes, hairs; some of them are lonely and some are grouped together, having a great time on my face and not my head!  So when my “breast” sisters said, “You are never cancer free, I get it.  Cancer remission comes with a price, but I’m glad to pay it if it keeps me alive$$$

Telling others about my journey, and using written expression to communicate my thoughts and feelings, and being able to educate others has been very therapeutic.  I enjoy connecting with people, encouraging and inspiring others, and providing education that may not otherwise be obtained.  I learned there are so many others like me or who know someone like me, that is traveling down this long road.  We are in the fight of our lives!  Fighters, Survivors, Warriors…

Having a progressive mindset is a challenge.  When you’re faced with any adversity and have come through to the other side, it’s somewhat challenging to move forward as if nothing has happened.  Moving forward is necessary in treatment and in progress.  I know this, you have to do better and be consistent in it.

For cancer patients, there are many challenges.  Among the biggest for me is eating and getting appropriate rest.  After various treatments and medications, certain foods make me gain weight quicker than before, some foods taste different, give me headaches, cause pimples, make me nauseous, and some foods now are just taste plain ‘ol nasty! All in the name of survival.   My body has changed in many ways, my taste buds go on hiatus at times and every once in a while, I feel like I’ll never be the same.  Well, I can finally accept the fact that I won’t!  But, it’s all in how I think about it, how I approach it, and how I decide to handle it.  Growth mindset, positive mindset, progressive mindset will all help me and you, accept the new normal!

As I embark on another year of living, I am constantly reminded of how much your mind has control over how you act, how you react, how you feel, and how you think.  Proverbs 23:7, “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.”  If you think negative, you’ll live negative.  If you think you can’t you won’t.  If you think you aren’t, then you’re not.  On the other hand, if you think positive, you’ll live positive.  If you think you can, you will.  If you think you are, then you are.  If you think you will, you will!  As I’ve been on my journey, I’ve been introduced to great books and concepts that have helped me in my new normal.  One author that remains impactful is Carol Dweck, the author of “Growth Mindset”.  She speaks about using the “Power of Yet” with children.  She says it is important to use language that demonstrates opportunity and possibility.  There will be a time when you will, just “not yet…”.  This can apply to adults just the same.  When I think of my cancer journey, I can think of several “powers of yet”.  I have and will overcome many obstacles and accomplish many things in the remainder of my days.  I have purposes that will be fulfilled, maybe not yet, but will eventually.

So in my new normal life and year in successful remission, I know it is my purpose to educate our community.  I joined a wonderful organization in partnership with Northside Hospital, who has given so much to me during my journey, called The Network of Hope.  This non-profit organization is made up of breast cancer survivors that give back to the community through mentorship, education, and volunteerism at various events around the state.  It is the most unique situation as I benefited from this organizations philanthropic efforts and now I have a chance to pay it forward.  One of my divine purposes, I believe, is to bring hope to those who feel hopeless, be a light in the wake of darkness, just let my journey be an inspiration to others.  I look forward to many years to come

My CANcer Wisdom:  Your mind is the gas and break pedal in your journey, whatever it may be.  Move forward in your new normal with both feet on the gas!  Only lift up from time to time to rest, reflect, or rejuvenate!  Think positive, Move forward!

On this Resurrection Day, I am so excited Jesus died for us so that we could live!  I must admit, I lost my faith…not today, but on my darkest day.  I put myself on the cross with no hope, thinking of my cancer as God not being pleased with me.  But why?  I felt I led my life in alignment with God and He was pleased with my work.  But why? The devil took my faith for but a minute…that’s why!  But because my God put his only son on the cross for me and on the third day He rose for us, I realized, I had no cross to bear.  God took my burden and Jesus lifted me through the work of the Holy Spirit.  Altogether, we left that linen in the tomb and lived!  My cancer is in that tomb along with everything that comes with it!!!  I walk with Jesus in my heart, never doubtful again even in my darkest days.  Stay strong my Warriors.  God is walking with you hand in hand with His Son and the Holy Spirit Amen!

Healing Powers

Everlasting Life

He has Risen!

Anointed and Appointed

Sin is forgiven

Resurrection Day!

Inspiration

Saved by His Grace

Eternal Life

Never Forget His Power!

My CANcer Wisdom to You:  Stop walking like you have a dead Savior inside you! ~Pastor Steven N. Dial, Sr., Rainbow Baptist Church, Decatur, Georgia, Sunrise Service

Live in His Resurrection, come out of your tomb and become a new spiritual creature!  Don’t let cancer or any other crosses fall on you to bear.  Jesus died so you could live!

When you first receive a cancer diagnosis, there is so much that goes through your mind: Am I going to die, how long will I suffer, what about my family, who do I tell first, how I tell my family, etc. Everyone does not have the same feelings, and everyone does not handle it the same way, but these were my first thoughts. Would I live to see my son graduate high school, college? Will I see Christmas? My mind was so cluttered with negative thoughts. This was all while still on the phone with my doctor, who I am sure said more to me than I heard! When I came to, we began talking about possible treatments, not in detail, but enough to think about. We would meet in a week to discuss options and next steps. I was overwhelmed with too many thoughts, so I just put it in the back of my mind like old shoes in the back of the closet! What next…

What next? After school, I went to the internet…WRONG THING TO DO! If I wasn’t already overwhelmed enough, I surely pushed myself over the edge! I started with mortality rates, life span of cancer patients, everything negative. I moved to various treatments, chemotherapy, radiation, surgery. Then I researched the various types of breast cancer, treatment centers in Georgia and in other states, testimonies of women with cancer and those in remission, and so on and so forth. It was a battle beyond my brain’s capacity!  

If you or a loved one has been diagnosed with breast cancer, here are some ways to increase your knowledge without increasing your stress:

1. Before you go to your doctor/oncologist for the first time, write a list of honest questions you would like answered. Don’t be afraid to ask anything you want. At this point, the doctor is there for you.

2. Ask for information about everything the doctor discusses with you. Brochures, literature about medications, treatments, etc.

3. Make sure you know how often and how long treatments will last. Make sure you continue to live and enjoy life as much as you can. Treatments will make you tired and sometimes sick. I scheduled my treatments on a Friday, so I would have time to rest and honestly, not miss so many days of work (I’m a teacher!). For me, the first two days after treatments were fine, however, the third day was a charm! The weekends kept me stress free!

4. Do not look at mortality rates, or other patients and their progress or demise. Everyone responds to treatment differently depending on age, prior health, family health history, and so many other factors.
5. If you must go to Google, try to stick with what your doctor has provided you with. For example, when you know your diagnosis, research that type of breast cancer and the treatment options. When you know the medicine you will have to take, research the side effects, etc.

6. Finally, relax! A breast cancer diagnosis does not have to be the end of the world. Continue to live, love, laugh and do the best you can to be positive.
My Cancer Wisdom to You: Begin with the link below about breast cancer. There are a few tidbits to start you on your search for answers and information. But still remember…do not get overwhelmed! When in doubt, ask your doctor.

https://www.gstatic.com/healthricherkp/pdf/breast_cancer.pdf

 Today is a personal milestone for me.  Most celebrate 21years, 30 or 40 years, 50, etc.  Well, at the age of 47, I am still standing and think that’s something to celebrate.  It’s my birthday, I’m alive and I’m stronger than I’ve been in years.  The sun shines behind me as if the Angels from Heaven are giving me light, the spotlight, allowing me to shine despite my trials and tribulations.

I looked in the mirror today, and for the first time in a long time, I felt like myself, like Michele.  Although my hair has transitioned from natural to braids and natural again and I have scars upon my chest and abdomen like tattoos on a sailor, I felt like myself.  I looked in that mirror and thought, I made it through and I’m getting back to my real self.  Now the real work begins!  Healthy eating, exercising, and taking better care of myself.  Accepting my new normal and helping others do the same. I’m going to smell the roses while I can and “…take a little time to enjoy the view!”

I don’t make New Year Resolutions any more.  Two years ago, at 45, I decided to make commitments as I am able to celebrate another year of life.  This year, I am committed to educate our community.  Educating young women about self-care and breast health, educating parents about nutrition and how it relates to achievement and good health for the future of their children, educating parents and students of the importance of education from beginning to career, college and beyond.  I am committed to raising awareness of the various types of breast cancer and how we can be vigilant women, know our numbers, and our family health history.  I’m committed to stretch, be a better person, woman, wife, mother, family member and friend.  I am committed to giving my all!  My ultimate commitment is to inspire others through the work I do, the moves I make and the words I choose to speak.

My Cancer Wisdom to You: