I Am Not My Hair!

On December 10th, I decided it was time to let it go! My hair had been thinning and it wasn’t worth keeping. I did some preliminary things to prepare myself. I had my stylist cut my hair into a shorter bob, took professional holiday pictures with my family, and bought a wig that looked similar to my cut. I also began watching YouTube tutorials on wearing the head wraps and scarves. 

I’ve made the decision to embrace everything that comes with breast cancer besides death! So anything I can see, although blurry at times, taste, although like cardboard at times, touch, although tingly at times, hear, although it needs repeating (maybe that’s just me!!!), smell, although overly stinky at times, I will endure it all because the alternative eliminates it all, not at times but forever.

My hair was a very important part of me, so I thought.  As a little girl, my hair was always thick and full and long. My mom took great pride in our hair and washed mine every week and put it in cute styles. Even when I played hard at school, because I was always athletic and competed with boys, my hair continued to be neat. In my late teens until this point, almost 27 years and counting, I go to my same hair doctor! I call her that because she focuses on keeping hair healthy and using quality products. She even shares products with me so I can maintain my own hair between appointments. All that being said, I continue to take pride in my hair focusing on the healthy side. There was a long time in my educational career when I worked with severely behavioral and emotional students. Students that I had to restrain from time to time. My principal then, who has since retired, commented that no matter how physical I had to get, my hair continued to stay in place! To this day, I received compliments on my hair. Just last month, my family and I was on a local restaurant. A couple of colleagues called my name and I turned because I recognized their voices. We spoke and I was told, “…we can recognize the back of that pretty hair anywhere!”  I say all of that to say, I am not my hair. Now that my hair is gone, I am me, just like the day I was born! 

Me preparing to lose my hair was the best thing I could’ve done for me, my husband, and my seven year old son. I would advise anyone going through this most recognizable side effect of chemo to prepare emotionally and physically for this process. If you are working like me, a school teacher, and have to interact with colleagues often, you may feel comfortable wearing a wig, I wouldn’t do anything over the top just yet. Try to stay close to your color, cut, and length until you are comfortable. It is a big change. Wigs can be hot, feel like a hat, and sometimes you may even forget to put it on, but your cold head will quickly remind you! Been there done that! If your job includes interacting with the public, mostly those who are not familiar with you or do not see you on a regular basis, you may have more flexibility depending how you feel. You may explore various wig colors, lengths and styles as well as scarves and various head coverings. YouTube has a plethora of tutorials that will make you stylish and trendy! As you are more comfortable, and you feel like yourself just with no hair, you can experiment with all options including rockin’ your bald head. My husband and son have been great with the change. They are both “hair men”, but I quickly realized they are “me men”, my guys who love me more than my hair! My other family members have been very supportive but do notice the change more since they don’t see me everyday.  My colleagues are more sympathetic as it seems to remind them about my struggle with this cancer. But they quickly see my strength instead of my struggle and pay attention to how I am handing my hair loss and take my lead. When strangers see the scarves, I can almost see their minds saying, “Wow, she probably has cancer.” I think that’s the worst because people seem to think cancer made my hair fall out but it’s actually the treatment and the treatment is healing me. So I will lose my hair if it means finding a healthy, new life.

Having breast cancer has really helped me to recognize what’s really important in life. My hair is not on the top of the list… any more. I must be transparent and admit when I realized I was going to have to let my hair go, I was angry and did not want to let it go. I was worried if my husband would be able to see me as the same beautiful woman he thought I was and if my son would be brutally honest and tell me I looked liked a boy and not a girl and he liked me better with hair! Well, they have embraced it all and love me for who I am and not for the hair that use to be on my head.

As far as being a teacher, I worried so much about looking different to the children. There are many students I’ve known for years and have watched them grow for the four years I’ve been at my school. Surprisingly, they didn’t even notice I had a wig! It made me feel better and more confident about this very vain but emotional time I’m going through. Wigs and head coverings are very popular now, so as long as I’m stylish, I think I’ll be alright, take a chance, and experiment more with my look in 2017!

So being “wiggalicious” is not so bad after all! My advice would be the following:

1. If you are a newbie to breast cancer, know your treatment protocol and find out if one of the side effects is hair loss.  
2. Take a selfie!!! Or a couple of selfies for memories or before/after pics as a reflective process, whatever you’re comfortable with. I took a selfie with my husband and son and I took a selfie at school on our Pink Out Day.
3. Family photo shoot! Your hair will begin the shedding process about 2-3 weeks after 1st treatment maybe sooner or later. It depends on meds and your scalp. Try to schedule sooner than later. We took our pictures on Black Friday, a week after my first chemo treatment and after I got my hair cut. The pictures came out beautifully and we made Christmas cards for all of our family members. At any point in the year you decide to take your family photo, make cards to send to family. It helped ours remain positive and it made for a great memory for everyone!
4. If you have longer hair, consider donating it to an organization that makes wigs for cancer patients.
5. Cut your hair into a shorter style. My hair was shoulder length all around so I got my hair cut in a shirt bob that was semi-shaved in the back and longer in the front.   My hair was thick and that minimized the presence of patches. It also helped me to come up with a timeline for preparing to shave my head.
6. Before your hair begins to shed, think about how you want to handle your new look. Will you wear a wig, scarves, rock your baldness or a combination of two or three. Try on different types of wigs, practice with scarves and pull your hair back just so you can see your face more often! Try new make-up, earrings, anything that makes you feel and look good and keeps you with a positive perspective.  Make it fun! When I started this process, I made a conscious decision  to use this as an opportunity to be bold and beautiful and not let this part of the process get me down. After all, this is a part of the healing process believe it or not. The only unfortunate thing is the chemo gets rid of the bad cells but also some of the good cells too. But if this process saves my life, I am not my hair!
7. Give yourself a date to shave your head. Do not wait until it is coming out in clumps. Unfortunately, I know a couple of family and friends who have had various types of cancer and they have all said the same thing… shave it before you can comb or pull out clumps with your hands, before it is laying on your pillow when you are not, and before you have noticeable patches. It is way too emotional to see yourself “fall apart” like that.
8. Involve your family. I told my son weeks before I lost my hair the changes mommy would go through. I even showed him an episode of Entertainment Tonight when  the mother of Michael Jackson’s children talked about her cancer, how she lost her hair and how she wore a wig. My son wasn’t ready when she actually took her wig off on TV. He was amazed, then laughed, then was so confused! I had to explain what a wig was, why she wore it and how she could take it off and put it on again.  I explained that’s what mommy would do. He said ok, but looked confused. Once I bought the wig and demonstrated (our child is a visual learner) he got it and asked when we were going to play barber shop!!!
9. On Saturday, we played barber shop and my husband and son shaved my head. Not completely bald but pretty much. I was surprised at myself because I thought I would cry and go through a litany of the “why me” and self- deprecating statements about my looks. I was actually relieved that this part was over, I still looked like myself, just with no hair, and my husband and son hugged me and made me feel great!
10. Take a risk and wear your hair covering out with your accessories the very next day. We went to a new church that we had visited before and knew a few people but not many. I was very comfortable because no one noticed anything different because they had no frame of reference. My self-test worked and now I was more comfortable wearing my wig at work and around people I knew and were familiar to me.
11. Keep experimenting, especially on the weekends. Go shopping to the mall, Walmart, SAMs, Publix, Kroger, Dollar Tree, Chic-Fil-A, just some of my favorites. See how you feel, determine what is doable and convenient and what head coverings would be best with no more hassle more than your regular hair routine.
12. Embrace the inevitable in a positive manner and become a better, new and improved you!
13. Check out the resources at the American Cancer Society website:  http://www.cancer.org/
    • Get a list of wig shops in your area from your cancer team, other patients, or from the phone book. You can also order the American Cancer Society’s “tlc” Tender Loving Care^® catalog (for women with hair loss due to cancer treatment) by visiting www.tlcdirect.org or by calling 1-800-850-9445.
    • The American Cancer Society is not able to accept hair donations; however, there are two organizations that we refer people to that can accept that type donation: Wigs for Kids and Pantene Beautiful Lengths.
    • Check your local areas for non-profit organizations that accept human hair donations.  But do your research.  Unfortunately, there are some organizations that sell the hair that you donate!  Check them out in your search!

CANcer Wisdom: Always maintain a positive outlook and perspective. Have faith and not fear, commit to the process and don’t complain, and be prayerful not pessimistic! Surround yourself with positive energy and model what you want from others. If you’re positive and happy, others will be that for you. Be honest with yourself, you are human too. If you want to cry, curse, vent, do that, but then get right back in the fight and be a warrior. There are people depending on you. It will not always be easy, but be strong and understand mind over matter. Everyone that I’ve confided in told me the same thing, half the battle is being positive and strong, but if you can do that half the battle is won! Stay strong my breast cancer warriors, this too shall pass.