Working Through and with CANcer

When I was first diagnosed, of course I thought about my family and what we were going to do, how would we pay for treatment, would I live long enough to fulfill all of my dreams for me, my husband and son, etc. Our lives would change forever. I also thought about my job. I’m a special-education teacher and I am always thinking about my students. What can I do to help them academically, how can I make them better contributors to society, how will I make it to Spring Break with these little people???? I am supposed to make sure I do all that I can to meet their individual needs while closing the achievement gap and also teaching them how to think, how to behave, how to live up to their full potential. When you have CANcer, I found that even thinking can be challenging! Teaching with CANcer can be extremely challenging. Several missed days due to treatment and recovery. Fatigue on top of fatigue due to constantly playing catch-up. I am still responsible for meeting deadlines and attending professional development, duties, etc. I am a teacher and I am accountable. Meeting these expectations while nauseous, not being able to eat, drinking gallons of water, impromptu bathroom breaks (…and for a teacher, going to the bathroom is like planning the great escape from Alcatraz!!!) To be honest the vanity of it all is interesting as preparing to look professional is taken to a “whole ‘nother level”, as the kids say! The challenges of losing the hair on your head and your eyebrows, debating wigs vs. scarves, having painted on eyebrows and trying to remember to check periodically to make sure they’re still there are all new and eventful challenges! I still have to show up on time with a smile and teach my students, be effective and engaging and shield them from my challenges. Challenges…challenges…

October 10, 2016, 4 days before my diagnosis. Pink Out Day.

I told my principal my situation and she shared it with her administrative team. They have been understanding and supportive throughout the process which is a blessing these days in education. The human side is often lost in test scores and daily routine, but at my school, I am human. It was really hard to share my new journey with my colleagues as there are so many that could potentially be affected. We work as a team and collaborate and make decisions together. We support each other and depend on one another for help or just a listening ear when our walls close in on us. I made the decision to tell my colleagues once I came to grips with it all with the help of my principal. At first, I wasn’t going to tell anyone which seemed OK at the time, however, selfish. I am now glad I told my colleagues because so many have told me how I have helped them be stronger in their lives and even prompted many to get those mammograms they have been putting off. I realized that telling others about my journey and allowing my colleagues into health, gave me a small platform to help others and become an advocate for early detection and taking care of our health. It also brought prayers and support, hugs and visits to my classroom, conversation and a genuine, reciprocal care for each other. Made my new work life manageable and removed unnecessary and added stress!

In the beginning, I was conflicted about saying anything to my students. They had enough on their plates and I didn’t want to add to their challenges. But I had to say something as MY students would indeed notice any changes. Knowing that I would be out more, I knew I had to say something. Closer to my first treatment in November of 2016, I sat my students down in a circle and told them I had some health challenges that would require me to be absent a lot in order to get help to get better. I did not want them to worry, so I gave them minimal information. I assured them not to worry and to continue learning all they could and make me proud. Surprisingly, they ask only a few questions that thankfully I was able to answer, nothing was too intrusive and thankfully none of my students asked me the two questions I dreaded: “Do you have CANcer?” and “Are you going to die?” Phew…

My students adjusted well to the substitutes. The beginning was rough and I thought substitutes would NEVER come back to my class. There were a few students who were constantly “performing” and I thought for sure I would come in a half day and see the substitute ducked taped to the board!!! Luckily, I was able to find a substitute that was excellent and willing to come any time I was out. He was able to manage the class, made sure the students completed all of the assignments, followed my lesson plans and my students liked him. Thank the Lord!!!

All in all, my decision to continue to work through and with CANcer has turned out to be a blessing. While in my classroom, I am always focused on my students and instruction and therefore have no time for worry. I stay busy and work hard. I have a stool to sit on by my board, we have an elevator so I do not have to use the steps and the bathroom is close and I have great teammates who step in when needed! My students are sweet and nurturing and carry books for me, run errands and even bring me snacks and chocolate…they know my love for chocolate!!!

My CANcer Wisdom for You: At the beginning of our school year, our principal welcomed us with the theme of “The Energy Bus” which is a book by Jon Gordon that provides us with 10 secrets for approaching life and work with positive energy. Who would’ve known this would be what I needed! I have always approached life in a positive way being the optimist…well MOST times…and not letting too much keep me from continuing to move forward. This book is a good read and helps you to keep your life and work in perspective whether you are dealing with challenges or just trying to keep your head above water. I am on the Positive Energy Bus and will ride it ’til the wheels fall off!